THOUGHTS OF A LADY

I woke up with my heart still heavy. I can’t believe Mrs. Marie is gone. She was such a wonderful person. She opened up her house to me on many thanksgivings and Christmases. She was always full of jokes and laughter. She genuinely cared about people, and she was a devoted wife, mother, and grandmother.

Why did she have to go in that way? Why her? I know everything happens for a reason, but the way it happened was unimaginable.

Me and her son were childhood best friends but this past year we went our separate ways for whatever reason. I cried hard when I heard the news about her, and then I cried because I haven’t been there for him. I tried calling his phone but it was out of service, I called a mutual friend but they hadn’t talked to him, I reached out through Facebook hoping that in due time after the hurt he would reach back. He called me in 15 minutes bawling. We just cried on the phone together….

Later that night he texted me saying he was sorry for not being a friend to me and amongst other things. I told him that all didn’t matter now, it’s in the past, and I’m there for him now through this process.

Everything that transpired yesterday made me want to reach out to someone who I loved; the only person I know I’m not right with. Not to repair or to be back where we were, but simply to say I’m sorry if I ever hurt you and hoping our bridges weren’t burnt. I still didn’t get a reply. That’s the only bridge that I guess will be continued to be burned and yesterday made me realize I’ve tried enough and it’s time to move on.

Two sons woke up without their mother, a husband without his wife of 30 years, a mother without her daughter, two grandchildren without their grandmother, a sibling without their sister. Prayers are with this family.

R.I.P Mrs. Marie, you’ll be truly missed

Unconditional, unrequited love…a beautiful oxymoron that has so much hope, but leaves you in a utter disaster.

So today is my birthday and I turned 27 years old. For the past couple of weeks I wasn’t too hyped about being closer to 30.

Now that the day is actually here; I have embraced it. I’ve grown so much this past year; but I still have so much more learning and growing to go.

I have grown in my relationships with people, my confidence, my health, but most of all I have grown in my relationship with God. I feel so much more closer to Him that I have ever been. I have turned away from so much negative people and things.

I have to give an example. I went to Mobile, Alabama for a wedding this past weekend. After the wedding me and my friend drove to New Orleans (2 hours from Mobile). As soon as we got there (around 10:30); I wanted to go to Bourbon St. so bad, but something happened to where I realized that I had no business being there. Instead we caught up on rest and the next day had beignets and rode bikes around the City; followed by lunch… So much different than what I would usually do in New Orleans; good clean fun. 

I felt really happy about my decision and that I was pleasing God and also showing others that there are other ways to have fun in a city that is full of temptation. A few months ago I would’ve been on Bourbon drinking until I couldn’t see and finding my way back to the room. 

I’m turning my life around for God, for myself, and for my future. I’m slow to anger, thinking before I’m speak, I’m growing, I’m getting wiser, and I’m changing.

So happy birthday to me! I’m embracing 27!

I feel the need to write and get my emotions out. I just learned this evening that a coworker of mine; someone I hang out with outside of work hours (big deal for me) was beaten and choked unconscious yesterday evening. She is currently in the hospital recovering from her injuries.

I love that girl, she is so funny. We laughed, smiled, and complained together, and always lifted each other up. I had her back, and she had mine. I hate that it had to be her, why her? I always hear of bad things happening to good people, but never had it happened to someone I know, saw everyday, laughed and joked with. My heart is hurting for her and her son. The sad part is that all of this took place on her son’s birthday.

I was talking to one of my other close co worker  Susan**, and she was crying and feeling bad. She told me she asked Vanessa** if she wanted to do make the visit for her so that she can prepare of her son’s birthday dinner that evening, but Vanessa insisted on going. Susan said that she feels it’s her fault that it happened and that it could’ve easily been her.

Someone who knows who I work for sent me the video news clip and as I watched; I too cried, my heart was hurting for her. I also cried because that could’ve been me. I could be in the hospital recovering from injuries because some thoughtless person who thinks they can get away with physically harming a person decides to choke me until unconscious not once, but twice, beat my head into the wall, and pull a knife on me. That could’ve been me, easily. Then I got angry because of the supervisor who didn’t train my coworker like she needed to and just threw her into it. The hammer will come down and it’s sad to say, I hope it comes down on her…it’s long overdue.

My prayers are with my friend and coworker  I pray that she receives healing and restoration in her mind, body, and soul. I’m going to visit her tomorrow and hopefully lift her spirits up.

**Names changed

My birthday is in 8 days. I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s something that I definitely can’t change and is inevitable, but I still feel some type of way turning 27…

I’ve had so much growth since the new year has started, and with age comes wisdom and change; but something about turning 27 is terrifying me.

Maybe on my actual birthday I’ll figure out what it is; I’ll keep you posted.